Yet at the same time, there is often a competing undercurrent in their thinking: a desire for work that is meaningful, plays to their most important values, and still allows them time for a life. This inability to reconcile these ideas leads to conflict and unhappiness, which they then try to resolve by renovating their kitchen, or taking an even more expensive vacation.

The truth is, people cannot make healthy and effective career decisions when their thinking is distorted by their relationship with money. Unfortunately, many of us do allow our lives to get bent out of shape by unhealthy attitudes to money.

One reason why so many managers and professionals today overemphasize their need for money is because they feel so overworked and underappreciated. As one 40-year-old human resource director commented, after she accepted a job for which she knew she was ill-suited: "If I'm going to go to the wall, I may as well do it for a whack of money."

Many also have unrealistic financial ideas that were socialized during the economically turbo-powered 1990s. They still expect stock options, fat salary increases, retention bonuses and so on as a right, especially if they were at one time in-demand knowledge workers in the high tech, media and financial sectors.

At a deeper level, most of us evaluate our own success by looking at others -- what psychologists call social comparison. And mostly we overestimate what others have: We think that they have better bosses, more appreciation and fatter pay packets as well. This fuels our aspirations for more -- more money, more square feet, more vacations, more disposable income.

We use money as a place holder for many things: to satisfy feelings of status and self-worth ("I must be important if I'm earning a lot of money"); to fill in for feelings of emotional deprivation ("If I can't be happy at least I can buy stuff"); to feel like good providers ("If I can't spend more time with my kids at least I can send them to private school.")

Neither are we free to make good career decisions if we are burdened with debt. Sometimes debt is unavoidable, whether from student loans or unemployment. But many of the managers and professionals I talk with are owned by debt from consuming stuff, which, by their own admission, adds little in terms of real joy to their lives.

Most of us have a knee-jerk reaction about our need for money. At the beginning of my career-planning workshops with young professionals, for example, I ask participants what is most important to them. They usually rank money at the top. After they have gone through a meaningful self-assessment, thinking about what they really care about, they typically discover that money, while important, comes further down the list.

I also see many people in mid-career still acting out earlier scripts about the importance of money.

John, for example, was in a job he loved, with a satisfying lifestyle and little debt. Then he was offered a new job at a much higher salary, doing work that had much less appeal. The offer triggered a career crisis, which he ultimately resolved by asking himself two key questions: How will that additional income enhance my life? What would I be giving up in terms of doing work that engages me? He decided to stay put.

In talking to artists I am often struck by how they can design a life that feels "rich" to them despite continuous financial challenges. "I never feel deprived," one actress said. "I may not have what some of my friends have, but when I look around my apartment I see great vintage clothing and great old furniture finds. And if I want to indulge myself, I can always buy some expensive nail polish."

As they say: Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you have.

If you're re-evaluating how you are living, here are some steps you can take to bring your life back into greater harmony with your most important values:

• Ensure that your finances are in order so you can make career decisions based on your needs and desires rather than financial fears.
   
• Carefully review your personal values. Know what is really important to you. Ask yourself: What do I really care about?
   
• If you are making significant personal sacrifices to maintain your lifestyle, consider "downshifting." Be ruthless in evaluating how your current lifestyle meets your real needs for a satisfied life. For example, in making a purchase, ask yourself: "How much of my life energy is this really worth? Will I feel better about myself or will my life be richer if I do this? What need will this purchase satisfy? Am I trying to satisfy an emotional need for, for example, status, or affection? Can I satisfy this need in another way?"
   
• Answer these questions honestly: What is the cost to me in living the way I am living? What am I giving up to maintain this lifestyle?

Take a cue from people who are able to rise above envy, acquisitiveness and status-seeking and maintain an independent stance in thinking about money. It's as if they have an internal gyroscope which tells them what is important. They don't use money as a substitute for happiness or a measure of status. They think about what they have, rather than what they don't have.

They are driven by a desire to feel good about their lives: When faced with any decision that has financial implications, whether consumerist or work-related, they take it through the filter of: "How will this contribute to my overall life satisfaction?"